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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29103015">Saudade</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/God_of_The_Faithless/pseuds/God_of_The_Faithless'>God_of_The_Faithless</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work, Vampire Knight (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Background Relationships, Blood, Blood Drinking, Canon-Typical Violence, Drama &amp; Romance, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:47:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,003</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29103015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/God_of_The_Faithless/pseuds/God_of_The_Faithless</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Broken and hopeless Zero spirals down when an unlikely hope, an intervention from a stranger makes him stronger, strong enough to go on once  again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kiryuu Zero/Kuran Kaname</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Saudade</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I am usually very dark and that's why I try not to be too tragic in my writings but the other fic, The Sins in our blood and The Fire in Our Souls, is still waiting for me along with others so maybe writing this would help me find the motivation to write other fics.</p><p>Things don't start off well for Kaname and Zero here. Choices have consequences Kaname realises that here.</p><p>A catharsis if you will but it just made me more irritated. But I hope everyone likes it. </p><p>I hope everyone is safe and sound.</p><p>Please Leave a Kudos and Comment if you like this fic!</p><p>By the way<br/>Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight in any way, shape or form because if I did things would have gone very differently for better or for worse.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>He saw the girl he once knew standing alongside Kuran. Except for her hair longer and the darker aura surrounding her, her eyes darkening into a darker brown mixed with red. She appeared the same but he knew she had changed irrevocably.</p><p>His blank glazed amethyst orbs that had once always shined fiercely with the light of a thousand suns were now as soulless as a marionette cut from its strings. His delicate, beautiful features looked more like a fragile porcelain doll than ever before.</p><p>They were going away he knew, off to their happily ever after, their fairy tale ending. But where did that leave him? Poor, broken Zero. A pawn no longer of use, a knight no longer needed to shield.</p><p> </p><p>A dawning realisation that the reason he was so willing to be used was not for the kind girl who accompanied him through his most despairing moments, when he was nothing but shattered glass that didn’t even have the edge to hurt anyone else.</p><p> </p><p>But for <em>him</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Him, the man who’s writing was on the wall, who inked the pristine white chapters of his life with red and black, seeping the snow of his innocence and hope with blood and death. When did it start? The moment such an intrinsic part of that cruel monster flowed through him, the blood that carried all that was him, is him quenched his thirst soothing him?</p><p>Zero felt his eyes prickle at the hard to swallow sadness that threatened to consume him.</p><p> </p><p>He wondered briefly as he watched them finally board their fancy expensive cars whether they felt his gaze and whether they cared enough to turn and grant him one last look before they left him in the broken reflection of his life. Was he even living anymore?</p><p>Oh wait, he stopped living that cold, winter night where he had lost all he had and now he lost everything again. Zero turned his eyes to look at the grey sombre sky wondering whether it was even a surprise at this point. He turned and he left, the cold glint of his Bloody Rose glinting ominously.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The rain pelted down as he walked through the eerily quiet woods no foreseeable danger as the Academy’s biggest threat had collectively left following the heels of their master like the sorry enamoured selves they were. His instincts had dulled to a point from the numbness in his soul that even if a Level E were to breathe down his neck he wouldn’t react until it was too late maybe not even then.</p><p>His musings continued as he wondered about what he learned from the quiet but restless murmuring among the vampires. Yuuki Cross-no- Kuran was Kaname Kuran’s, the pureblood race’s king to be’s, sister and fiancée. And wasn’t that a sucker punch to the gut. He felt betrayed and the despair made him almost devolve into a curled-up ball of tears and grief.</p><p> </p><p>He wondered why he felt this way?</p><p> </p><p>Who did he feel betrayed by? abandoned by?</p><p> </p><p>Maybe it was a question at one time been easier to answer. But he didn’t know who he was anymore he had lost himself in the charade. And the map to finding himself was burned to ashes by the continuous torrent of unending suffering.</p><p> </p><p>Why?</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to ask Kuran?</p><p> </p><p>Why him? again and again and again.</p><p> </p><p>Didn’t he think he think he suffered enough?</p><p> </p><p>Why? Why? Why?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t need answers anymore, he knew it wouldn’t make a difference. He wished people would stop treating him so callously. He was tired. It was a bone-weary exhaustion and the only relief was something he had prepared for long ago. Today was the day. There was no hesitation no second guessing there was nothing.</p><p> </p><p>He slowly trudged forward to the Sun Dorms. It was unusually silent but that didn’t register to Zero. It mattered not to him either way. He paced up the grand staircase to his room locking it behind him as he entered.</p><p>He shrugged the intricate blazer off pinching off his shoes and socks divesting himself of every piece of clothing. The uniform now signified to him his shackles. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t give himself the last self-respect. It was all he had.</p><p> </p><p>He felt vulnerable baring himself to the increasingly chilly air before his violet lilac orbs chanced upon a letter on his table at the far corner of the room. He normally would have ignored it but something about the sudden appearance of the letter piqued his slight curiosity.</p><p> </p><p>He slowly made his way to the desk looking at the heavy letter it was made of parchment sealed with wax reminiscent of ages gone by. His long fingers gently pried open the seal and flicked open the letter. His disinterested expression slowly disappeared eyes growing wider and wider as he looked incredulously at the words written on the paper.</p><p>His gaze flickered to Bloody Rose lying haphazardly on the pile of clothes he had carelessly left on the floor. His eyes dimmed but he still turned to read the words again and again. His expression grew serious as he came to a decision.</p><p> </p><p>He carefully placed the letter back on the desk as he moved to pick up Bloody Rose weighing it nostalgically in his palm. He moved to his dresser to get the intricate case made for her, placed Bloody Rose in and closing it solemnly like a final goodbye.</p><p>He picked up a suitcase carefully packing his few possessions and some clothing. He solemnly made his bed tidied up the room before taking a change of clothes to the bathroom. He lied down inside the bathtub filled with warm water gazing blankly at the wall.</p><p> </p><p>He turned the words over and over again. He chose to temporarily put his death on hold. He was admittedly curious. After all it is not every day, especially on the bleakest day of his life, that you find out you have a fiancée.      </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tell me your thoughts!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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